I Got My Ass Kicked

02/28/2009

It was late when they got to me. I was walking down Mission wearing blue shoes, a red shirt, and yellow baseball cap. Seriously, I’m color blind so I can’t tell the difference. I guess it was the wrong colors for this time of night. I thought I’d be fine–it was just two blocks to the bus stop, and if I waited there, the bus would come and I’d be home.

I got to the bus stop, and that’s when shit went down. Across the street there was a McDonalds, and I could have sworn I saw Ronald McDonald himself–yes I had a drink, but it wasn’t absinthe. Behind the bushes they gathered.

“Walk it out, walk it out,” blasted from across the street, and I had heard about the Tubbies, but I thought of them to be a myth. Out from behind the bush appeared four monsters of green, red, blue and yellow. At first they just stood up, arms crossed over their chest, looking at me. “Am I really the only one seeing this,” I thought.

Shit got ugly. “What color you claim,” yelled the green one.

I managed to murmur a tentative, “I don’t have a color,” but they just kept looking at me with those big eyes, and smiling. You think that shit is scary on TV, see them live and it’s even worse.

The music got louder, and they started walking over to me. Than they did this dance, before they beat me up. It’s true, I was beaten up by some teletubbies.